What do you see when you look at me?

	“What do you see when you look at me?” the homeless drunkard asked. 
 I couldn’t understand his question or just exactly what he wanted from me.  I rarely put myself in a position to be around these kinds of people.  Little did I know my perspective was about the change? 
“What do you see when you look at me?” he slurred at me again.  I tried to move away from him but he reached and grabbed my hand.  I tried to pull it away but he starred hard into my eyes.  I wanted to run away.
“Let me tell you who I am, although you really do not care.  You think I’m just a worthless drunk, a wasted shell of man.  That’s ok…but you must hear who I really think I am.”

“I’m a teacher, a preacher, a poet and a politician.  I’m a son, a brother, a father, a woman, a wife; a doctor, a lawyer, a custodian, a baker, a cabby, a ditch digger, and a plumber.  I’m a murderer, a druggy, a paraplegic, and more.  I’m a gambler, abuser, a drunk, a pilot, a farmer, sportscaster, a ballplayer and musician.  I’m a face of sadness, depression and fear. I’m laughter and hate and joy and a sneer.  My eyes may be blue or black or gray or green.  I may have hair, no hair, or hair eaten away by cancer and sickness.  I dread the light and stay away from mirrors.  What do you see when you look at me?  You see the gutter of mankind, shrunken and old; the lost, the wicked, the childish, and bold. And you keep looking my friend but you will never see what God sees in his hand because he holds me.  I’m a sinner, you see and you are no better off.  But take one consolation—he loves you and he loves me even though we are lost.  He loves what we’ll become through him.  And He will love us whether we believe it, understand it or accept it or not.”

My stare softened and my stance changed and I relaxed my hand.  When I did he turned it loose and his face revealed a snaggled tooth smile.  He had suddenly made me feel ashamed and then he continued his tale.

“What do you see when you look at me?” his face suddenly sober and intent.  “I’m all God’s children at their very worse and sinfully bent. He loves me as I am and not as I should be.  And you would do well to remember that.  How are we different, you and I?” he asked. “ We really aren’t all that different if you will look beneath the shell. Although my shell is dirty and yours is squeaky clean, mine stinks and yours is scented we’re still the same you see.  For God doesn’t look at what I’ve become and he doesn’t see who you think you are.  What do you see when you look at me?  It is not at all what you think?  Whatever reason life has put me here is not what you think you know.  For in my heart where God resides there is an even flow.  There is kindness, love, and tolerance.  And humility like you will never see.  Discernment, forgiveness, equality and compassion; they’re there past the shell of what you see.  For God came to live in me and some day I’ll get it right or maybe I never will.  Regardless of what happens He loves me thankfully still.  You can judge me, hate me, or ignore who you think I have become. But, He loves me because I believe and He will change who I really am.  So don’t be so self-righteous and don’t judge what you don’t know.  What do you see when you look at me…a drunkard, homeless, irresponsible hunk of mankind?  Jesus went to a cross for the very likes of me.  I may make you uncomfortable; that doesn’t bother me.  It’s your own insecurities.  You think you’re better than me.  When the shell peels off and God takes us home we’re just the same you and me.  What do you see when you look at me?  You can ask the same of me.  I see Christ in all his beauty, a special child of his in the confused face before me.  Don’t judge me by what you see or what you think you know.  When God looks at us, we are just the same you know—a lost and hurting people with problems all untold.  Some just come in cleaner, neater packages and some are shrunken and old. Take consolation, my friend, He loves us nonetheless.  I see God’s child in you—won’t you please do the same.  It is the least we can do in God’s holy name.”

What do you see when you look at me?  I reflectively walked away.  I’m certainly not who I thought I was and my heart began to ache.  Thank God you love me Father God despite who I pretend to be. Let me see what you see when you lose the worst in me.  And most of all let me love despite what I perceive to be for it must be only through you I see—You who’ve washed my sin from me.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  (Isaiah 55:8 NIV)

© Melinda Clements 2004 melinda@clements.net